hi my name is carolyn and i last posted in2006 after the death of my second sister when i posted on were i could get help for her burial. well things got bad for me i couldnt handle it i started using drugs and tried to join my sister after being found in a park about 4 in the morning by a cop bleeding badly from my arms i ended up in hospital then jail for possesing drugs after going to court for several months i was ordered to prop and given a po after loseing my liscense i did drive again then i was hit by another person he toyaled my car fractured my knee and two fingers i was not able to get reinbursed because of no liscense .then the police department issued me a citation to go court i went they never filed got another letter to go court again same day as my sentenceing to prop i told judge upstairs that i also was supposed to be downstairs he said and my attorney they didnt file again dont worry about it they knew i was there aqnd the police have a year to file they had about 3 months left .about two months in program doing good i go for progress report before judge good report but he arrested me for a earrant for that ticket that i appeared on twice .my mom feels bad pays 700 to bail me out next morning have to go court they give me a 1800 dollar fine and 5 days in jail had to turn self in in three weeks.i did serve the time. now im attending alot of classes that i half to pay for because im going into aftercare and u half to pay your fee of 267 before u get there also i cant get off probation even if i graduate till i pay them one thousand five hundred.not counting im paying 100 a month till i pay back the 1800 .not once was it addresed why i did it i never got to grieve no ones addresed why i tried killing myself only labeled me as a drug addict i still can varily walk right knee has multiple hairline fractures and i have bone spurs in heel of my foot .i have done everything the court want but im scared because i cant pay this money i give what i can my son helps me but if i dont pay the classes they will violate me and i will get three years .i try telling them why i did it just a few weeks ago i found out a book was published about my sister the one killed in domestic violence case by publisher named ruth ann called better off dead.i was traumatized so was my mom i wanted to just go off the deep end but knew were i would end up but yet had no one to talk to . im realley scared and sad does anyone have any suggestions .
